Dead Yourself

Isn’t it great how you can take the most innocent looking thing…

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And turn it into the most grotesque.

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This is all possible because of the app I downloaded called dead yourself. From the people at AMC TV who created the show The Walking Dead. I like it. Some people don’t. That’s ok. If people agreed on small things like that, there might not be a war constantly occurring on Earth.

Anyways, the App is Pretty cool I think. Pictures would make for a good post card I think.

So now I have found another source of killing time. Here is another manga picture I made since the last update.

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Can’t go wrong with that. A little JD for the soul.

Speaking of which, FattBuddha is in the area so we will be spending some quality brotherly bonding time together over cigars and Jack Daniels.

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Manga

So I kind of got a new hobby. Or maybe more of a way to kill time.
Creating Manga!

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Like this picture of yours truly, Samuel Mother-Fuckin Jackson.

I can take any photo, upload it into this app I have on my phone and it turns it into Manga.

Now I don’t read Manga. I lost most interest in anime. But, I think this is pretty neat. Sometimes a picture can come out pretty epic.

Such as Bob’s Big Boy.

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So I thought I would share that with everyone. If I come up with some more epic manga pics I will post them here to share them with the world.

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Conversation 130202 Dogsitting

My wife’s parents were passing through the city I live in on their way to my wife’s grandmother’s wake. Our mission, that we chose to accept, was to pick up the dog from the train station as they passed through.

While my wife went to the platform I waited outside and took the opportunity to share this experience with FattBuddha.

SW: You should get a dog. A small one.
FB: Against the lease. But I wouldn’t get one anyway.
SW: Good. They are a pain in the ass.
FB: And they shit on floors.
SW: Or your pillow.
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FB: Yeah, and God help all small life forms if that EVER happens on my pillow
SW: What if a crocodile shit on your pillow ?
FB: There’d be a lot more gator shoes in the world
SW: What if your boss shit on your pillow?
FB: He would become dead.
SW: If you could think of the next big product for dogs what would it be? This would help out the wife. So ask your wife too.
FB: Hmmm…. brainstorming
SW: I have to make line graphs for my wife’s business project now.

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This line graph is a representation of the bullshit I deal with on a regular basis. Measured in metric tons.

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Conversation 130131 Bitches like…

FB: Is Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol worth watching?  (Yes, a Tom Cruise film)

SW: Yea, just ended. It’s alright. Bitches Like Impossible.

FB: You and “Bitches”

SW: Bitches like bitches…..I don’t know. I thought of it last night and then just kept saying it.

  • I watched the new James Bond movie Skyfall the other day at the theater and texted my brother about it and said “Bitches like British Spies.”
  • Another time was earlier today when FattBuddha sent me the website for Orson Scott Card and I responded by saying “Bitches like Thirds,” a reference to Ender’s Game.

FB: Bitches

SW: I think it is time for a glass of Jack.

FB: I think it is time for bed.

SW: What time do you arise brother?

FB: 0445. Before God.

SW: So he doesn’t know the sins you commit?

FB: Yes, like when I drive 5km/h over the speed limit.

SW: Oh yea. You’ll spend a couple years in purgatory for that nonsense. Stay under the radar.

Russian artist Sergey Tyukanov’s depiction of Purgatory. Tyukanov currently resides in both Kaliningrad, Russia and Chicago, Illinois, USA. http://www.emptykingdom.com

FB: Alright man. I got to doze.

SW: Sweet dreams dude.

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I was Inverted

First off, Tom Cruise is full of shit.

But that doesn’t matter. Hasn’t stopped me from seeing a lot of his films.

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Two of your snot-nose jockeys did a fly-by on my tower at over 400 KNOTS! I want somebody’s butt, I want it now, I’ve HAD IT!
DAMN! That’s TWICE! I WANT SOME BUTTS! -Air Boss Johnson

“I want some butts”. No other choice of words could better communicate how pissed off one is at someone else’s offensive actions. You could use this in practically any situation, much like “I find your lack of faith disturbing

For instance, someone shits in a brown paper bag, puts in on your doorstep, and lights it on fire. Upon discovering such juvenile act had been committed, you can immediately put the quote to use.

Or how about when you find out your tax payer dollars were spent on pop stars to sing at a certain someone’s inauguration event so the masses of welfare collectors that live in D.C. could see a free concert, despite the nation’s current fiscal condition. The quiet ceremony on Sunday wasn’t enough? I want some butts! (Sorry, I got a bit political).

Speaking of Tax Dollars, what about James Tolkan? You know, Stinger or Principal Strickland from Back to the Future. “What you should have done was land your plane! You don’t own that plane, the tax payers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash.”

What other situations can you think of that you’ve personally experienced where this quote would have been handy?

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Conversation 130117 Onychocryptosis

FB: I got my left big toenail ripped off this morning. Surgically by a boyish man nurse. Very unsettling.

SW: I thought you were gonna have that fixed permanently?

FB: Yeah. Maybe eventually. Last time it was the right toe.

SW: Did you scream like a bitch when you were cut? Or did they drug you up and then you found yourself with a swollen colon when you came to?

FB: Both.

SW: I can’t imagine how that was.  You have my sympathy.

FB: I’m cold and have no dignity.

SW: “Help me…”

FB: Loooogan! Where are you, Logan?!

Logan

Not sure if you have figured it out by now but we are referencing a video game for the playstation, Syphon Filter.  Truly a classic.  I enjoyed watching the guys falling from the rooftops while on fire after hitting them with a launched grenade.  But the viral patients of the catacombs were the funniest.  Motionless in a corner, curled up in the fetal position sometimes with nothing else to say except “Help Me” or groan.

And as a follow up to “Conversation 121221 Where is Your God Now,” I present you with the following:

Nothing better than listening to Yes, except watching Yes. Take a note of Rick Wakeman, the guy on the Minimoogs (piano looking things), and his space cape and Legolas hair style (3:47).

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The Little Things in Life

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This made me crack up for about a minute. I tried to think of some elaborate way to explain why this was humorous, but I give up. But the expression on the cat’s face along with it having no soul probably had something to do with it.
That is all I wanted to share. I have a a butt ton of work to do which will keep me busy for the next few days.
Oh, Ravens beat the Broncos in double over time. Next stop, AFC championship against New England. I’m hoping for a Battle of the Harboughs at the Super Bowl.

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That’s no moon…

DeathStar

I just heard news today that the White House has commented on the petition for a Death Star. (First, if you need more details about what the Death Star is, close your web browser, go to the nearest mirror, and tell yourself: I am have failed myself as a human being.)

Now, for those who have lived up to the standard as human beings, this news may be a little disheartening. The Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office made statements that “the administration does not support blowing up planets” and the cost of $850 quadrillion would not help the current budget anyway. Read one of the many articles out there about this:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/obama-white-house-nixes-calls-for-850-quadrillion-death-star-super-weapon/2013/01/12/fb74697e-5c94-11e2-b8b2-0d18a64c8dfa_story.html

You never know when you might need to destroy a planet. Look at Pluto. If that bastard ever attempts a coup and tries to reclaim the title “Planet” we may need to douse those flames of revolution with the Ultimate Power in the Universe.

I like to imagine how the conversation might go in the Oval Office if they considered the Death Star…

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The Appropriate Audience

By viewing the search terms that have led at least two people to this blog, we can gather that we have attracted the appropriate crowd.

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Tommy Lee Jones Alcoholic

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Is Tommy Lee Jones a Heavy Drinker?

I bet when he comes to Japan to do those Boss Coffee and SoftBank commercials, the quirkiness of Japan drives him to drown in a bottle of his favorite brain cell killer.
Images from the movie “Lost in Translation” come to mind. When Bob, played by Bill Murray, is getting his photo taken for a Whiskey Ad the photographer in his best English says “Are you drinking, no?” Bob is quick to respond by saying “Am I drinking? As soon as I’m done.”
On a side note, the movie opens up with a great shot of Scarlett Johansson’s rear end. Nothing to get too excited about.

Thanks for visiting the site. We will be sure to create more posts that have nothing to do with Hollywood Star’s social lives (because who cares really) but tag them accordingly so you think they do.

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Orion Beer: For Your Happy Time

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I think the original idea behind this blog was to record all the different alcohol we try. Where we drank it, what it tasted like, was it worth the price? Stuff like that. In between first discussing the blog idea and putting it into action, the content we wanted to write about expanded. Of course, who would want to read only about other people drinking? This blog would fail miserably like it is at the moment anyways.
At the very least, this is a way for us two brothers to communicate through a different medium. Weather anyone reads it or not is up to them.

Ok, so the picture above is an Orion Beer. According to the can, Orionhas been brewed since 1957. It is a product of Okinawa and last I heard Asahi breweries bought them out or have some sort of business relationship.
Whatever, and if you are reading this post for research for a report 1) you’re looking in the wrong place, and if you cite this 2) you’re dumb.
Anyways, Orion Beer is good with anything. Except maybe cream filled donuts. But I know some people who could pull it off. So next time you find yourself at a snack/bar/pub/other drinking establishment, try an Orion for Your Happy Time.

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